I cry aloud to God,
aloud to God, and he will hear me.
In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord;
in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying;
my soul refuses to be comforted.
When I remember God, I moan;
when I meditate, my spirit faints. Selah
I take this time to focus my thoughts on your presence with in this very moment Father. I cry out to you to fill me with the presence of your Spirit as I draw to you in meditation. I open my heart just as I do my hands that it might be soft spoken in the aweness of your taking notice of me; your faithful and loving servant.
You hold my eyelids open;
I am so troubled that I cannot speak.
I consider the days of old,
the years long ago.
I said, “Let me remember my song in the night;
let me meditate in my heart.”
Then my spirit made a diligent search:
I am thankful Father for your delivery through this past Tuesday’s surgery but, I seek after you in the pain I am experiencing now. I feel guilty in asking this of you and am hesitant to speak but in lack of sleep I cry out to you for mercy that you might hear my pains. My head is pounding like a ticking time bomb and my body screams within the agony of my joints. The cutting of flesh is done Father however, my heart continues to bleed. I am exhausted Father and feel the emotional settlement of feeling defeated.
Yet I am alert and look for the excitement of your guidance as I examine myself in spirit. Yes, I am in pain however I am alive! I bleed yet remember that you bled also and resurrection is soon to follow. My emotions may be squelching and yet I am surrounded by the blessings of family and a wife who loves me.
“Will the Lord spurn forever,
and never again be favorable?
Of course not! I hold to your unending faith and your desire to be with me both in my times of need and in my times of great joy and celebration!
Has his steadfast love forever ceased?
Are his promises at an end for all time?
Has God forgotten to be gracious?
Has he in anger shut up his compassion?” Selah
I know that the answer is simple and straight forward… “No!” I must confess in my own struggle to see this whole heartedly though Father. Perhaps it is within my own blindness but, why would you love me? Why would you bring compassion and graciousness to my existence as I am yet a small puppet within this glorious creation of yours?
This has no bearing however as I acknowledge all these within my life. You are truly a merciful, kind, and loving God who enriches my life with your graceful presence!
Then I said, “I will appeal to this,
to the years of the right hand of the Most High.”
I will remember the deeds of the Lord;
yes, I will remember your wonders of old.
I will ponder all your work,
and meditate on your mighty deeds.
Your way, O God, is holy.
What god is great like our God?
You are the God who works wonders;
you have made known your might among the peoples.
You with your arm redeemed your people,
the children of Jacob and Joseph. Selah
I am once again reminded of you words to Job that “You are God” and we have little understanding yet of that. You are God and you have been at work since the dawn of creation. As you are the creator of the foundations of this world I can find new roots within your promises. My faith is renewed as I reflect on the times you have brought me through so much already!
I remember laying in an ICU bed in 1994 and you made a promise to me through the words of my mother that, “You and your father will be just fine.” I know even now with this pain that that promise is still true. You have great plans for the future and much work for me as your humble servant. Your seeds of fruit are great and nothing will hold them back!
When the waters saw you, O God,
when the waters saw you, they were afraid;
indeed, the deep trembled.
The clouds poured out water;
the skies gave forth thunder;
your arrows flashed on every side.
The crash of your thunder was in the whirlwind;
your lightnings lighted up the world;
the earth trembled and shook.
Your way was through the sea,
your path through the great waters;
yet your footprints were unseen.
You led your people like a flock
by the hand of Moses and Aaron.
There is a fluidity to your creation Father. It rises and falls in crashing waves of love, kindness, goodness, mercy, and great blessing. It speaks of your ways both in the softness of beauty and the loud clashing of spiritual fire. I praise you Jesus for the glories you so richly disserve and I continue to seek after you in all my ways. I pray that you hear my words and bring me quick healing that I might bless you more through serving your people. Amen. Amen.